Big Guy
Big Guy (Lt. Dwayne Hunter) afancytank wrote in memebells
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TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT
How To:
01. Post with your character and fandom.
02. In the box, put your text from last night. If you can't think of one, go to the TFLN site to find one. Please remember that you're the one texting the first message so please don't leave your comment blank.
03. Tag others to make it more fun! Mistexts happen all the time, right? ;)

Taken from multiple people.

((All tags included just to cover the bases))

Modern AU Bilbo Baggins // The Hobbit // OTA

What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day

"Is that so? How hard do you like it, master Baggins?"

Thorin? OH! Oh. I'm so sorry! That wasn't for you! It was a joke. For someone else...

Someone else? What kind of friends do you have, Bilbo? Ones who enjoy looking at flowers and thinking of unprotected sex? [He was smirking but also felt a pang of jealousy, as he liked Bilbo.]

Just normal ones. With slightly dirty senses of humor. Pollination is one big metaphor for sex really...

*Go on Bilbo, try to worm your way out of this*

Normal ones? None of my mates go on about flowers and anal sex, mate. [He was smirking behind his phone now. Bastard.] Is that what you want though? A hard shag up the arse?

*Bilbo is glad that Thorin can't see just how bright red he is right now. A couple of glasses of wine, and he genuinely had been texting another friend, but Thorin had been on his mind, and that's how the mistake had happened*

Your friends probably aren't flaming queens.... Well... I don't mind it with the right person...

[Oh, Thorin would give anything to see your flustered face, Bilbo. He does enjoy it when you are flustered.]

Queens? Not really. They're more into motorbikes and girls, than arse holes. Yet, I'm not against the idea of you and me....well, you know.

*This mistexting had turned into quite the roller-coaster event. First the mortification that he'd sent the text to Thorin by mistake, then the disappointment to read that Thorin's friends didn't share any interests that Bilbo had... But then... then that last little row of letters, they made his heart beat faster*

Really? You'd like to... *Hmmm... Hook up? That was the slang, wasn't it? It wasn't a relationship, but if Thorin wasn't disgusted with the idea of even sleeping with him, Bilbo would gladly take it.* Hook up?

ARGH! Stupid phone! Its all my phones fault and now you think I'm some... MANWHORE or something!

Cannabis

... Really? It's not exactly an easy to find plant...

And who are you?

The Cannabis fairy. You buying?

*Types NO! then deletes it*

*Types How much is it? And does it come in bouquets?, pauses. Deletes it*

Isn't that illegal?

So is downloading. Do you download?

Not really. No.

Really? LOL boring fuck

I'm quite interesting. Actually.


whoever gives flowers for valentines nowadays is a boring fuck. use a condom/lube bouquette after an expensive dinner= buttsecks

Even if he's giving the flowers to a big butch blacksmith? Is that still boring fuck?

A very queer boring fuck, yeah.

Well done on the creative name calling. Nice bit of homophobia you have there. Disappointed to learn its not a hot busty blonde that mistext you?

I'm not homophobic. Already had my share of dick, fyi. I'm not boring tho.

?

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